It was late when my friend called freaking out
I guess some paranormal stuff had happened in her house
She knows I’m a skeptic, who likes to question claims
And so she asked if I would do the task and come investigate

I was half asleep, but knew she was scared
And so I said that I’m headed over just let me get prepared
I grabbed the garlic, holy water, crucifix
Wait, I don’t believe in ghosts, the hell I’m gonna do with this?

When I arrived I tried to calm her
Told her a couple jokes and poured her a glass of water
Once she relaxed a bit, and could sit composed
I kindly asked her, “what exactly is a ghost?”

She tried to explain
But couldn’t quite describe it and kinda was vague
And, mentioned energy and white light
And then I thought of Einstein and E=MC2 but whatever

I was there to listen
I guess she had been dosing off and saw an apparition
Walking close to her side
But it disappeared once she fully opened her eyes

Plus she heard noises from the basement
Movement in the kitchen and just couldn’t explain it
But then claimed to it was a ghost
But if she can’t explain it why does she claim to know?

If there’s something strange that you can’t explain
It’s ok to just say
I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know
If it’s, unexplainable
Then don’t make a claim to know
It’s ok to say I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know

We began our investigation
Grabbed some flashlights and headed for the basement
Which I was teeny bit afraid to search
So I opened the door, smiled and said “ladies first”

She just gave a dirty look at me
And so I turned on my flashlight and took the lead
As we decended a recommended we hold hands
When all of a sudden, fwoom! the door slammed

She let out a screech and I jumped a bit
But fortunately it was just the pressure from the wind
And those noises she heard from before
Sounded a lot like the wind blowing under the door

I held her hand again, but she was sweating galore
Saying she heard footsteps on the floor
So now I’m bugging out, is this a booby trap?
My only thought was to pop me a Scooby snack

Man I bum rushed the door
And nearly borke my shoulder as I rolled on the floor
Of course it was nothing! Just a false alarm
Even tho it felt like somebody had ripped off my arm

I told her listen up
Her imagination’s gonna get me killed and I’ve had enough
And I got more to say
But first, let’s take a chorus break so I can nurture this shoulder pain

If there’s something strange that you can’t explain
It’s ok to just say
I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know
If it’s, unexplainable
Then don’t make a claim to know
It’s ok to say I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know

I asked why she was freaking out, this is a creaky house
Then I gave her something to think about
If you’re a ghost, then it seems to me, if you can float
You’d have no need for feet

She heard stuff ruffle in the kitchen
Then she found that cups and bowls and pots and pans had shifted
But, hold up, let me get this straight
A ghost can walk thru walls and then pick up a plate?

For what? To let us know it’s here by moving this or that?
And throwing fits but why don’t it just go get a pen and pad?
Enough of the drama, let’s cut to the chase
It could put it down on paper if it’s got something to say

I know to her it’s all seemingly wild
But to me it seemed like we were dealing with a child
This ghost would, cry at night, slam doors, and throw stuff
Clearly this is not the hallmark of a grown-up

Then she showed me photos of orbs
With a pixelated image of a human-ish form
But, they looked like nothing to me
Except light being reflected off of dust and debris

Oh and just a question more
Why does it always seem that ghost only show up when visibility’s poor?
Or during the hypnagogic state
Or out the corner of your eye when you’re alone and it’s late?

If there’s something strange that you can’t explain
It’s ok to just say
I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know
If it’s, unexplainable
Then don’t make a claim to know
It’s ok to say I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know

We jump up in fright when things go bump in the night
We evolved this propensity to help us survive
Just like recognizing faces
We’re a pattern seeking species so we see things in meaningless information

Like the clouds or a piece of toast
So keep that in mind next time you think you see a ghost
My friend had an experience, no doubt that she did
I just don’t think that it happened outside of her head